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We Need to Talk: How to Have Conversations That Matter Kindle Edition

4.4 4.4 out of 5 stars 1,130 ratings

“WE NEED TO TALK.”

In this urgent and insightful book, public radio journalist Celeste Headlee shows us how to bridge what divides us--by having real conversations

BASED ON THE TED TALK WITH OVER 10 MILLION VIEWS
NPR's Best Books of 2017

Winner of the 2017 Silver Nautilus Award in Relationships & Communication

“We Need to Talk is an important read for a conversationally-challenged, disconnected age. Headlee is a talented, honest storyteller, and her advice has helped me become a better spouse, friend, and mother.”  (Jessica Lahey, author of New York Times bestseller The Gift of Failure)

Today most of us communicate from behind electronic screens, and studies show that Americans feel less connected and more divided than ever before. The blame for some of this disconnect can be attributed to our political landscape, but the erosion of our conversational skills as a society lies with us as individuals.

And the only way forward, says Headlee, is to start talking to each other. In We Need to Talk, she outlines the strategies that have made her a better conversationalist—and offers simple tools that can improve anyone’s communication. For example: 

  • BE THERE OR GO ELSEWHERE. Human beings are incapable of multitasking, and this is especially true of tasks that involve language. Think you can type up a few emails while on a business call, or hold a conversation with your child while texting your spouse? Think again.
  • CHECK YOUR BIAS. The belief that your intelligence protects you from erroneous assumptions can end up making you more vulnerable to them. We all have blind spots that affect the way we view others. Check your bias before you judge someone else.
  • HIDE YOUR PHONE. Don’t just put down your phone, put it away. New research suggests that the mere presence of a cell phone can negatively impact the quality of a conversation.

Whether you’re struggling to communicate with your kid’s teacher at school, an employee at work, or the people you love the most—Headlee offers smart strategies that can help us all have conversations that matter.

 


From the Publisher

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Editorial Reviews

Review

“Civil discourse is one of humanity’s founding institutions and it faces an existential threat: We, the people, need to talk about how we talk to one another. Celeste Headlee shows us how.”   — Ron Fournier, New York Times bestselling author of Love That Boy and Publisher of Crain’s Detroit

“We Need To Talk is an important read for a conversationally-challenged, disconnected age. Headlee is a talented, honest storyteller, and her advice has helped me become a better spouse, friend, and mother.”  — Jessica Lahey, author of New York Times bestseller The Gift of Failure

“This powerful debut offers 10 strategies for improving conversational skills. Tidbits from sociological studies and anecdotes from history, including from civil rights activist Xernona Clayton’s groundbreaking conversations with KKK leader Calvin Craig, round out a book that takes its own advice and has much to communicate.” — Publishers Weekly

“In the course of her career, Headlee has interviewed thousands of people from all walks of life and learned that sparking a great conversation is really a matter of a few simple habits that anyone can learn.” — Jessica Stillman, Inc.

“This book is necessary…Headlee’s treatise on creating space for valuable mutual reciprocity is one that should become a handbook in any school, business or even a doctor’s office where the everyday person visits.” — George Elerick, Buzzfeed

“A well-researched and careful analysis of how and why we talk with one another—our strengths and (myriad) weaknesses…A thoughtful discussion and sometimes-passionate plea for civility and consideration in conversation.” — Kirkus Reviews

“Refreshingly honest….In the era of the lost art of conversation, Headlee helps us find our voice.” — Henry Bass, Essence

“The perfect pre-Thanksgiving read to head off family squabbles and turn the holiday meal into a feast of ideas instead of a political fracas.” — Karin Gillespie, Augusta Karin Gillespie, Augusta Chronicle

From the Back Cover

Based on the wildly popular TED Talk with more than 10 million views

WE NEED TO TALK. They are, perhaps, the most dreaded four words in the English language. But in her timely and practical book, We Need to Talk, Celeste Headlee—a public radio host—makes the case that they are urgently needed.

Today most of us communicate from behind electronic screens, and studies show that Americans feel less connected and more divided than ever before. The blame for some of this disconnect can be attributed to our political landscape, but the erosion of our conversational skills as a society lies with us as individuals. 

And the only way forward, says Headlee, is to start talking to each other. In We Need to Talk, she outlines the strategies that have made her a better conversationalist and offers
actionable steps anyone can take to improve their communication skills. For example:

• BE THERE OR GO ELSEWHERE. Human beings are incapable of multitasking, and this is especially true of tasks that involve language. Think you can catch up on your e-mail while talking on the phone? Think again.

• CHECK YOUR BIAS. The belief that your intelligence protects you from erroneous assumptions can make you more vulnerable to them. We all have blind spots that affect the way we view others. 

• HIDE YOUR PHONE. Don’t just put down your phone, put it away. Research suggests that the mere presence of a cell phone can negatively impact the quality of a conversation. 

Whether you’re struggling to communicate with your child’s teacher, your boss, your neighbor, or someone you love, Headlee offers smart strategies that can help us all have conversations that matter.

Product details

  • ASIN ‏ : ‎ B01NAID961
  • Publisher ‏ : ‎ Harper; Reprint edition (September 19, 2017)
  • Publication date ‏ : ‎ September 19, 2017
  • Language ‏ : ‎ English
  • File size ‏ : ‎ 718 KB
  • Text-to-Speech ‏ : ‎ Enabled
  • Screen Reader ‏ : ‎ Supported
  • Enhanced typesetting ‏ : ‎ Enabled
  • X-Ray ‏ : ‎ Enabled
  • Word Wise ‏ : ‎ Enabled
  • Print length ‏ : ‎ 258 pages
  • Page numbers source ISBN ‏ : ‎ 006266901X
  • Customer Reviews:
    4.4 4.4 out of 5 stars 1,130 ratings

About the author

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Celeste Headlee
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Communication and Human Nature Expert, Award-winning journalist, and Bestselling Author

Celeste Headlee is an award-winning journalist, professional speaker and best-selling author of We Need To Talk: How To Have Conversations That Matter She is co-host of the new weekly series Retro Report on PBS and season three of the Scene on Radio podcast – MEN. Celeste serves as an advisory board member for Procon.org and The Listen First Project. Her TEDx Talk sharing 10 ways to have a better conversation has over 30 million total views to date.

In her 20-year career in public radio, Celeste has been the Executive Producer of On Second Thought at Georgia Public Radio and anchored programs including Tell Me More, Talk of the Nation, All Things Considered, and Weekend Edition. She also served as co-host of the national morning news show, The Takeaway, from PRI and WNYC, and anchored presidential coverage in 2012 for PBS World Channel.

Celeste’s work and insights have been featured on TODAY, Psychology Today, Inc., NPR, Time, Essence, Elle, BuzzFeed, Salon, Parade, and many more. She has presented to over 100 companies, conferences and universities including Apple, Google, United Airlines, Duke University, Chobani and ESPN, and received the 2019 Media Changemaker Award. Celeste lives in Washington, D.C. with her rescue dog and lots of plants.

Customer reviews

4.4 out of 5 stars
1,130 global ratings

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Customers say

Customers find the book offers helpful advice for improving conversations with others. They find it easy to read and a fun read. The writing is well-crafted in a comprehensible way. Readers appreciate the author's candid examples and wit. Overall, they consider it a good read that should be required reading for students.

AI-generated from the text of customer reviews

62 customers mention "Advice"59 positive3 negative

Customers find the book helpful for improving conversations with others. They learn about listening and engaging in meaningful conversations. The author offers tips to recognize conversational mistakes and create impact. The book is easy to understand, well-researched, and provides wonderful reminders on the need to listen to one another.

"...It's a remarkable and insightful book that give you the ins and outs on how to have better and more meaningful conversations with people around you...." Read more

"I read this book in less than a week. It was practical, and I have used several suggestions from Headlee...." Read more

"Good book on effective communication and how to listen well" Read more

"...a genuine desire to help and thoroughly backed by an impressive amount of scientific material...." Read more

42 customers mention "Readability"42 positive0 negative

Customers find the book easy to read and retain. They find it insightful and worth the price.

"...It's a remarkable and insightful book that give you the ins and outs on how to have better and more meaningful conversations with people around you...." Read more

"...not agree 100% with her assessments, however, this book is well worth the asking price and will help anyone improve conversational skills...." Read more

"I highly value this book and I look forward to implementing the tools I learned and implement them in my podcast What Men Hear!" Read more

"This was a gift for my nephew. I flipped through it, and it looked like a great book. But my nephew isn’t talking to me anymore." Read more

39 customers mention "Book writing"36 positive3 negative

Customers find the book well-written and comprehensible. They appreciate the author's expertise and find it an interesting read that inspires them to have better conversations with others. The content is good, pragmatic, and filled with concrete examples. Overall, readers describe it as a thought-provoking book about how to have better conversations with other people.

"...The book was well written, organized and easy to read...." Read more

"...TED talks have done - she really struck a chord in me with her straightforward and surprisingly obvious advice...." Read more

"..."We Need to Talk" is straight forward and easy to read...." Read more

"...The book is well written, and the author is candid, offering many examples of her own conversational follies...." Read more

5 customers mention "Language"5 positive0 negative

Customers find the book engaging with its candid writing style and personal examples that clarify points. They appreciate the author's wit, research, quotes, anecdotes, and practical advice.

"...is well written, and the author is candid, offering many examples of her own conversational follies...." Read more

"I love how the author uses personal examples to clarify points...." Read more

"I really loved all the research, quotes, anecdotes, and practical advice on the skill of listening...." Read more

"Fantastic read! Full of wit, charm and insightful anecdotes that helps the average Joe navigate the art of conversation in an age where it has..." Read more

Necessary
4 out of 5 stars
Necessary
Her TedTalk about how to have a better conversation is one of my all time favorites- so of course I had to check out the follow up book- which only added to what I learned in the TedTalk.If you're interested in having better conversations- I highly recommend this one.
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Top reviews from the United States

  • Reviewed in the United States on September 17, 2018
    As a person struggling with communication, I found this book very useful. It gave me an in-depth knowledge of how to have a conversation. I have been able to meet new friends such as a girl name Rosalia and we became best friends. It's a remarkable and insightful book that give you the ins and outs on how to have better and more meaningful conversations with people around you. I really like how this book went was divided into different sections based on different tips and ideas on how to have a better conversation. The book was well written, organized and easy to read. I also really like how Headlee relates her advice to her own experiences so we can understand why her advice works. It gives a credibility towards her advice. Headlee also uses facts from studies to back up the advice that was given throughout the book. Thank you for writing this book and I 100% recommend everyone to read it.
    3 people found this helpful
    Report
  • Reviewed in the United States on October 14, 2022
    I read this book in less than a week. It was practical, and I have used several suggestions from Headlee. I will say that I did not agree 100% with her assessments, however, this book is well worth the asking price and will help anyone improve conversational skills. I have even adapted two strategies outlined in this book into lessons for my high school students.
    4 people found this helpful
    Report
  • Reviewed in the United States on December 9, 2024
    Good book on effective communication and how to listen well
  • Reviewed in the United States on August 15, 2018
    It was watching Headlee's brilliant TED talk about how to have better conversations that eventually led to me reading this book. Although her talk didn't "blow my mind" - like many other TED talks have done - she really struck a chord in me with her straightforward and surprisingly obvious advice. After reading the book, the TED talk seems like the perfect "trailer" for it. In short, this is one of those books that everyone would benefit from reading. It's an easy read, written with a passion for the subject at hand that shines through the whole text. This book might be seen as a warning in a society more and more dominated by social media and its electronic devices, but it is driven by a genuine desire to help and thoroughly backed by an impressive amount of scientific material. Headlee shows us why we "need to talk" as part of the human experience, how modern life is taking that away from us, how we can reclaim this part of our humanity and why we would benefit from doing so. In that respect this is probably one of the most important books written in years.
    31 people found this helpful
    Report
  • Reviewed in the United States on January 23, 2018
    As people become more polarized and listen only to people and press that they agree with we need more and more to talk with each other. Celeste Headlee has suggested some simple procedures that make conversations between people who have different ideas and beliefs both possible and beneficial. "We Need to Talk" is straight forward and easy to read. She has included lots to research to make her points - like the information about why we think we are multi-tasking even though brain research shows that we can't. I am shocked that my attention span is less than a goldfish and frightened that our ability to empathize has dropped by 40%. This information helps us understand why having a conversation is hard and why we need to have many more. Personally, I believe our lives and our world would be significantly better if we learn and practice conversations as she suggests.
    24 people found this helpful
    Report
  • Reviewed in the United States on January 24, 2018
    Good advice peppered with Neo-marxist post-modernist ideology
    5 people found this helpful
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  • Reviewed in the United States on May 19, 2021
    If you're committed to becoming a better conversationalist, this book offers numerous tips for achieving that, though there are no magic bullets here. If you have given much thought to the irritants in other people's conversation, you're likely to have already figured out many of the tips. The book is well written, and the author is candid, offering many examples of her own conversational follies. I would recommend it, but you won't find any startling new insights.
    2 people found this helpful
    Report
  • Reviewed in the United States on August 29, 2023
    I highly value this book and I look forward to implementing the tools I learned and implement them in my podcast What Men Hear!

Top reviews from other countries

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  • Pedro García Santos
    5.0 out of 5 stars She did a great job...
    Reviewed in Mexico on January 2, 2020
    Ny job is to listen, I am a negotiator and sales strategist. I love listening to say the “right words” whenever necessary. This book is great if you are a “conversational narcissist”...
    One person found this helpful
    Report
  • Niekerkensreise
    5.0 out of 5 stars One of my favorite Books on Communication
    Reviewed in Germany on November 12, 2020
    It is one of the best books about Communication I have read so far and I am sorry, that it is not available in German.
  • Paulo Peres
    5.0 out of 5 stars um dos melhores livros que li este ano
    Reviewed in Brazil on February 2, 2019
    Este livro é um gostoso livro que mostra dicas de como desenvolver a empatia, e ela passa muitas vezes por nosso diálogo e nossas palavras. Eu achei muito útil e fácil de ler.
  • AgtOfAmazon
    5.0 out of 5 stars Simply Delightful
    Reviewed in Italy on May 30, 2019
    I found this book one of the best books on the subject. It is based on the author's professional experience as interviewer and provides a clear set of rules to follow to achieve meaningful conversations. The books offers a lot of themes for self-reflection on the mistakes we unconsciously make during our verbal interactions. I definitely make use of them in the coming months and I will recommend the book to my colleagues
  • philstore
    5.0 out of 5 stars Really interesting and very helpful !
    Reviewed in France on March 27, 2019
    Well, I'm a french guy and i work in pharmaceutical industries. I have to say that i really appreciated this book which is really focused on the conversation (like a process) : why is it important to have good conversation, what does it bring us, what are the skills required to make a good conversation and how deal we some hard conversation. This book gave me a lot of keys to have a better understanding of the process and the confidence to face hard conversation. The author makes a couple of link with other great authors. (for instance, R.Cialdini..). This allows to illustrate what he is saying.
    Very easy to read and it really gave me the willingness to go toward people, to face difficult conversations, and to have a better understanding of people who surround me.
    A very helpul book for my daily life !

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